I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately—in particular, children’s friendships in Pandemic Time. Writer and parent Janet Manley echoed a few of my own questions in a recent New York Times post:
What is a friend to a young child? It’s something I’ve asked myself, particularly since the start of the pandemic. And how can children maintain important connections from a distance?
Janet is mother to two children—ages 3 and 5. She shares a few touching pandemic anecdotes about her own children’s experiences of friendship and lots of research on the importance of friendships for young children. I encourage you to take a moment to read the article (it is short).
Recently, I’ve witnessed moments of deepening friendship between 2-and-a-half-year-old Aya, my granddaughter, and 7-year-old Emma through the magic portal of Zoom. Moments like the tour of Emma’s fairy garden, or the dulcimer concert Aya gave with a beaming smile, or Emma introducing us all to some of her favorite children’s books stand out. And I’ve heard about recent moments from Aya’s East Coast grandmother about when Aya called on Facetime while grandmother “GaGa” was on a walk at the beach with Aya’s cousins and all three jumped into a word game that went along the lines of “Can I eat the rocks? Can I eat the sky?” Grandmother Joan shared with me via email how fun it was to see the three cousins “have such an entertaining connection from afar.”
It certainly doesn’t take a pandemic to help long distance cousins connect by Facetime. But it might take a pandemic to help us think about how to take these spontaneous moments to the next level—scheduled—which is going to require some adult prioritizing, pre-planning, and support. Making the Zoom time happen between Aya and Emma requires coordinating between two mothers, a grandmother, and Emma to find the sweet spot in all of our schedules. We use text messaging to find a window of time that might work. We don’t hold ourselves to weekly, or a particular time slot. We just try to make it happen when we can. And we’re working towards a socially-distanced outside walk in an open space in the not-too-distant future.
Zoom, Facetime. They’re not virtual. When we meet across the distance in this digitally-mediated space, we’re present with each other—to discover, play, laugh, tell stories, share art, even share videos like the Octopus Escape Room Challenge I shared with Aya, the Octopus fan, a few days ago. (Note: From the Octolab.tv website: “All of the eight-armed friends who are part of ther Octolab project were rescued from the catch of fishermen. Their fate would have been gruesome otherwise. Quite literally they would have been smashed on the rocks while still alive to “tenderize” them and then hung to dry in the sun before being sold to local seafood restaurants and markets.”)
I’d love to hear your most “present” moments with kids in a videoconferencing space, whether you’re an educator or parent or cousin. Just reply to this post to share with me.
And if you have a budding digital artist in the house, share Maestro, a playful short video and the accompanying how it was made video with them.
Take good care. Keep your spirits up. Connect.
