We have a great technology…but something is amiss. We need to get it more aligned with the lives we want to live.
—Sherry Turkle
I write a lot about conversation as the vehicle for connection with ourselves, each other, and our world. Holidays and vacations can present an opportunity for deeper conversation and authentic connection. Our usual day-to-day patterns are disrupted a bit, presenting openings for something new to emerge. Often, family members or friends we haven’t seen for a while are visiting, bringing with them the welcomed (and sometimes not-so-welcomed) chance for face-to-face talk. Spontaneous. Unscripted. Surprising. What qualities contribute to deeper conversation?
In her book Reclaiming Conversation, Sherry Turkle presents some compelling research on our use of phones and the impacts on in-person conversation and empathy. I’ve mentioned Sherry’s work before. Sherry Turkle is Abby Rockefeller Mauzé Professor of Soical Studies of Science and Technology in the Program in Science, Technology, and Society at MIT, and the founder and current director of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self.
In this “Talk at Google” in Boston in October 2015, Sherry talks about smart phones as “always on, always on you” technology and discusses research on how the visible presence of phones during in-person social interaction impacts conversation and empathy:
Things are kept light and on subjects you don’t mind being interrupted and people feel less of an empathic connection with each other.
She mentions a 2015 Pew Internet study: 89% of adults interviewed said they took out their phone in their last interaction. 82% said it diminished the conversations.
Can you imagine making some conscious choices as a family about putting your phones away to open a possibility for deeper conversation? How might you work together to design one or two spaces to experiment with conscious, phoneless conversation? It could be around the dinner table, it might be a walk together in nature, it might be playing a conversation game together. I’ll be experimenting with the game Vertellis designed by a group of friends in the Netherlands. (I’ll let you know how that goes.)
[Note: Many of us today use our phones as our cameras. Try putting your phone in airplane mode. The camera still works. Choose a few times for shooting photos and then put the phone away.]
Here’s an invitation…read Sherry’s book Reclaiming Conversation. Using the Contact form, write me to let me know you read it. I’ll invite you to join me in a video call when we have a group of 10 people who’ve read the book and written me that they’d like to join a conversation.
